January 2007 minutiae

• cnn.com: Britney: I'll be back 'bigger and better than ever'. C'mon, that editor had to know that would only lead to "she already has the 'bigger' part taken care of" jokes.

• What's worse than having "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails stuck in your head? Having it stuck in your head with the key line rendered as "I want to fuck you in Garanimals."

• It's been well over a year since they were discontinued and I'm still seriously upset that I can't get any Chocolate Enigmas.

• Someone brought this quote to my attention: "It's bad policy to speculate on what you'll do if a plan fails when you're trying to make a plan work." —Condoleezza Rice

  At first I boggled at that, but then I realized: she's from Stanford. At Stanford, when you fail a class, it disappears from your transcript. Iraq is blowing her mind because she's not used to failures sticking around.

• cnn.com: Somalia declares state of emergency. It wasn't in one before?!

• nybooks.com: In Bremer's account, the President was seriously interested in one issue: whether the leaders of the government that followed the CPA would publicly thank the United States. Bonus points for adding, "sir, may I have another."

• In one of the classes I'm taking this semester the professor was talking about different types of rocks, and it occurred to me: when I was a child and therefore closer to the ground, I used to pick up rocks all the time and examine them. I don't think I've picked up a rock in over twenty years.

• Also, when I was a kid, I couldn't whistle at all. I frequently tried and completely failed. But now I can whistle very well... probably better than I can sing (though that may not be a very bold claim).

• I was telling someone about how when I was a kid I had once had three molars removed without anesthetic (my dad was trying to save money and do it himself, but didn't get the Novocain right). The interesting thing is that while I remember that I was shrieking and crying, I do not remember the actual sensation of the pain — apparently I've blocked it out. I suppose it's the same process that allows women to have more than one child.

• Panic: "Oh no! I put my lunch in the oven and totally forgot about the salt, pepper, butter and thyme!" Relief: "Uh, actually, I also forgot to put my lunch in the oven."

• Pandora: Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features an unintelligible vocal delivery.

• 1938: War of the Worlds causes a panic. 2007: ...Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Sigh. Somewhere, Orson Welles is weeping. (And then thinking, "Mmmm... meatwad.")

• I found myself thinking, wow, y'know, life is pretty good right now. Every day I find myself looking forward to the next day. One day it'll be because I'm going to some really interesting classes. Another day I'll have to work, but that's okay because I'm making half the rent in a few hours, doing something that is relatively enjoyable. And then after that it'll be because I have a day off and can work on a project or just loaf around. But then it occurred to me: if I were having the opposite thoughts — ie, looking at my unremarkable bohemian life with despair rather than anticipation — we would call that depression. So perhaps my current optimism is just another vagary of brain chemistry and doesn't actually signify that I'm on the right track.

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